The Day of Emergence

A Ranma 1/2/David Eddings/Sailor Moon
crossover MST

This is a MSTing of a fanfic by Jeffrey Lee
<ranma@faradic.net>, who now calls himself
Belphera.  We certainly do not intend to offend
him; everything here is said with a sense of
fun.  I should note also that the author posted
a note claiming that the fic's, uh, unusual naming
scheme (you'll see what I mean) was the
responsibility of his roommate and not himself.
I have no way of knowing if this is true, but he
was the one that posted it in this form and that's
how it was MSTed.

No infringement is intended on the copyrights of
the owners of Ranma 1/2, David Eddings's Belgariad,
and Sailor Moon.  Or on that of Best Brains, the
creator of MST3K, for that matter.
 

This is an unusual MSTing.  It wasn't written by just
one or two people; instead, nine different authors
were involved.  We all gathered in an IRC channel and
fed the fic in, making comments as we saw fit.  Later,
the IRC scripts were edited and converted into this
form.

C&C is welcome; it may be sent to the FFML, directly
to me to be distributed, or to everyone on the list
below.

Authors (Alphabetical):

Lara Bartram (lara@emunix.emich.edu)
Ed Becerra (eabecerr@henge1.henge.com)
D.Fire (phongb9@IDT.NET)
Vincent Diamante (diamante@gonzaga.org)
Sean Gaffney (Gaffney@iconn.net)
Dustin Goeller (stinky@azstarnet.com)
Gary Kleppe (kleppe@execpc.com)
Mike Loader (mike@thekeep.org)
Thomas Schmidt (Tschmidt@tcon.net)

IRC scripts edited by:

Thomas Schmidt
Vincent Diamante

SOL Sequences by:

Megane 6.7 (fcasper@yesic.com)
Gary Kleppe
Thomas Schmidt

(23-Sep-00)HTMLization: Zoogz

For all interested in the activites of the FFIRC and who
would like to visit us, just point any IRC client to
irc.bachman.edu and join channel #fanfic.  Alternately,
any Java-capable browser can connect through
<http://irc.newberry.edu:8080>

The FFIRC MST archives can be reached at
<http://www.nabiki.com/mst>
 
 

DEEP 13
 

 The figure emerged from the bottom of the
steps and slowly placed his hands on his hips.
Clad in a leather jacket and hat, a bullwhip on
one hip and a gun on the other.  Dr. Clayton
Forrester could have almost passed for "Weird Al"
Yankovic playing Indiana Jones....

 "Shake a leg, Frank!"  Dr. Forrester called
out as he looked into the darkness ahead.  Somewhere
in that abyss was this week's experiment, and he was
going to find it. Dr. Forrester cocked his ear as he
was alerted to the sound of someone approaching from
behind. Instantly he whirled around, about to unleash
the vicious bite of his bullwhip.

 His jaw dropped as he saw his assistant, T.V's
Frank, clad in a white T-shirt about four or five sizes
too small and green shorts to match.  He wore a pair of
small round sunglasses and his hair was tied into a
pigtail.  "What in the name of TWIGGY are you supposed to
be?!?!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed in disbelief.

      "Well, you dressed like Indiana Jones so I thought
I'd go as Tomb Raider's Lara Croft!"  Frank replied
proudly.

 Dr. Forrester facefaulted.  Frank walked over to the
darkness and lit a flare.  "You coming, Dr. F?"  Frank
inquired.

 "Give me a moment...."  Dr. Forrester replied.  "I
suddenly have an overwhelming craving for Pepto Bismol...."
 

* * *
 

 A few minutes later, the two began their search.
Frank led the way with a lit flare with Dr. Forrester
trying to avoid looking at Frank directly.  It wasn't long
before they came upon an long ominous hallway....

 "What do you think, Dr. F?"  Frank said.

 "Probably booby trapped...."  Dr. Forrester replied
thoughtfully.

 "So what should we do?"  Frank asked.

 "Only one way to be sure...."  Dr. Forrester replied
as he suddenly shoved Frank hard down the corridor.
Immediately poison darts and blades began firing from the
walls.  Frank screamed as they stuck all over his body.  He
barely managed to reach the other side before collapsing in
a heap.  Meanwhile Dr. Forrester calmly walked down the now
safe passage and prepared a syringe to keep Frank going for
a little longer....
 

* * *
 

 Finally they arrived at the entrance of a large stone
chamber.  At the end of it stood a pedestal where the
fanfic rested, illuminated by a single beam of light from
the ceiling.  Dr. Forrester stepped forward, his eyes
widened and hands on his hips once more as he took in the
view.

  "There it is, Frank...."

 Dr. Forrester slowly and carefully made his way
forward, drawing ever closer to the pedestal until he was
right in front of it.  He slowly rubbed his face and chin
and made a mental note to shave tomorrow morning.

 Then he carefully flexed his arms and fingers, his
hands sure and steady as a rock as he placed them on each
side of the fanfic.  He then took a deep breath and
released it slowly.  Then he whispered.

 "Okay, get the fanfic Frank...."

 Dr. Forrester backed out of range as Frank walked
towards the pedestal and snatched the fanfic.  A few
moments later, the entire chamber began to shake.

 "I knew we shouldn't have used wooden framework for a
stone chamber!"  Dr. Forrester exclaimed as he snatched the
fanfic from Frank and bolted towards the exit.  When they
reached the ominous hallway, a door was rapidly descending
at the end.  Frank and Dr. F looked at each other and ran
like hell, trying to reach the door before it was too
late....

 "Slide Frank!  Slide!"  Dr. Forrester cried out as
Frank leapt forward and slide across the stone floor.  He
was halfway through the door when it crashed against his
shoulders, trapping him but leaving enough of a gap for Dr.
Forrester to slip through unharmed.

 "Good work, Frank."  Dr. Forrester said as he dusted
himself off.

 "No problem, Steve....Uh....Could you help me out of
here now?" Frank asked nervously.

 "Not to worry, Frank."  Dr. Forrester reassured him.
"Once I get back to the lab, I'll bring a chainsaw to
sever your head and build a new body for you.  In the
meantime, rest here...."

 "W...Wait!"  Frank cried out, to no avail as Dr.
Forrester left him behind....
 

* * *
 

 Dr. Forrester was nearing the starting point when
another loud rumbling noise was heard....

 "Uh-oh...."

 Dr. Forrester looked up to see the giant boulder
above about to roll at him and he quickly hits the dirt,
allowing the boulder to roll past harmlessly.  He got back
to his feet and patted himself on the shoulder for being
clever enough to evade the trap....

 Then he bigsweated as the boulder continued on its
path to crash against the bottom of the stairwell to Deep
13, blocking it off and effectively trapping him here.

 "Shazbot!"  Dr. Forrester cursed.  "How the hell am I
going to get out of here?"

 "I've got an idea!"  Frank said as he stared at the
wreckage.

 "Frank!  How did you get out of the door?"  A shocked
Dr. Forrester asked.

 "Butter in my cleavage."  Frank replied as he
continued to study the rock above the boulder where a small
opening had appeared.  "I think I can climb up there and
then lower a rope for you to climb up...."

 "Are you nuts?!  That opening must be six to seven
meters high! You'll never...."
 
 Suddenly, Frank did a complete backflip onto a small
ledge in the wall nearby, then immediately followed it with
a forward flip high into the sky.  Frank's fingers caught
the edge of the opening, and grunting with the exertion, he
pulled himself up.  Dr. Forrester was in complete and total
shock at the superhuman move.

 "How....How in the world did you...."  Dr. Forrester
stammered.

 "Oh that little move?  I've sweated to a lot of
oldies over the years.  You just can't tell because I'm
big-boned...."  Frank replied as he lowered a rope for Dr.
Forrester to climb up.

 "Do you think you could teach me that move, Frank?"
Dr. Forrester asked.

 "We'll see, Steve.  In the meantime, let's get the
fic to Joel and the bots....
 

* * *
 

 Joel Robinson slapped the button on the console.
"Hey, sirs!" he said to the electronic image of his
captors. "Is it time for the invention exchange?"

 "Yes!" Dr. Forrester snapped back. "What did you
think we were, telephone solicitors?"

 TV's Frank stepped up. "You know, Joel, you and your
family could be saving up to thirty percent on long-
distance calls to...."

 "Frank." Forrester's voice was calm, but some implied
threat in it halted his assistant in mid-sentence. "Well,
Sailor Joel, taste the power of my invention for this week.
Any lemon writer knows that once he or she posts a story
with explicit sexual content to the internet, he or she has
no control over who ends up reading it. Many of the readers
are bound to be the kind who, shall we say, are just not
ready to be reading lemons."

 He swiveled a computer monitor into view. "That's why
I've come up with something I like to call the Lemon
Peeler. It's a module that you can plug into a web site, or
attach to an E-mail message or Usenet posting." He turned
to his assistant. "Oh, Frank?"

 "Yes, Steve?"

 "I don't suppose you'd be interested in reading a
fanfiction story? The title is 'Ukyo and Shampoo have hot,
steamy sex with Ranma.'"

 "Male Ranma or female?"

 "Both."

 "Wow!" Frank rushed for the computer screen as
Forrester returned his attention to Joel and the 'bots.

 "You see, Joelly-cakes, the Lemon Peeler has a
program that analyses the reader's basic personality and
psychology. If it finds that his maturity is a little...
lacking, it automatically replaces the lemon with something
more suitable."

 "Hey!" Frank exclaimed. "This is a transcript of
'Barney and Friends!'"

 "Tough luck, Frank." Forrester's head was turned away
so that Frank couldn't see him snickering.

 Frank turned away from the screen in disgust. "Who
gave you the idea for this invention, anyway?"

 "Nobody in particular, Frank. Your turn, kawaii Joel-
chan!"

 Joel nodded.  "Well, you may or may not be familiar
with the sickeningly popular fantasy author David Eddings.
As every Eddings fan knows, his career is built around
writing the same book over and over again.  The Belgariad,
the Mallorean, the Elenium, the Tamuli; all modern classics
of fantasy literature, and all featuring reluctant heroes
defeating evil gods with magical blue stones. Sadly,
Eddings is getting older, and his turnout is slowing down.
That's where my invention comes in."

 Joel held up a small lcd screen attached to a
keyboard and a parallel port.  "The David Eddings Fantasy
Book Generator takes the familiar elements of Eddings
fiction and repackages them into a shiny new whole.  All
you do is type in names for the different character
stereotypes, and it prints out a whole book!"  Joel
gestured at a thick stack of paper.  "I've prepared a small
demonstration.  Go ahead, Crow!"

 Crow cleared his throat.  "BelT'wer lifted the
ancient blue crystal to the sky.  It crackled and sizzled
in his grip; it would have killed any man without his
pedigree.  Beside him, his many friends masterfully
derailed the Rathian onslaught.  'Die, you bastard!' his
beautiful and wise mentor exclaimed, running the hideous
Rathian chieftain through with deliberate ease."

 "That's quite enough of that," Dr. Forrester said,
shuddering.  "As you've already surmised, your fanfiction
for today is a crossover with David Eddings, also involving
Sailor Moon and Ranma 1/2."  He appeared thoughtful for a
moment. "Words can not describe it, it must be experienced.
Deal with it, pasty boy!"

 Lights flashed and buzzers blared in the Satellite of
Love. "Oh, we got movie sign!" Joel shouted, as one at a
time, the large doors to the cinema slid open.

* * *

> Jeffrey Lee wrote:
> Well I was reading a fic on a cross for Ranma and
> Eddings, so I decided that I would write one too but I
> would add in Sailor Moon. Anyways that's all I gotta say,
> and now on with the story

Tom: Eddy?  Eddy's a pretty good writer...

Crow: Not Eddy.  Eddings.  Fantasy writer.  Boring books.
Etc. ad infinitum.

Tom: You got your Sailor Moon in my Ranma!

Joel: You got your Ranma in my Sailor Moon!

Crow: And they taste really bad.

> Crossover: R1/2, SM, Eddings
>
> The Day of Emergence
>
> Prologue
>
>  The black vacuum of space swirled around the universe,
> as she looked about herself looking at her children.
 

Crow: How is she looking about herself looking at her
children? With a periscope?  A mirror?

Tom: Wandering eye syndrome?

Joel: Maybe she's crosseyed.

> What dears they were, of course some of them could be
> very bad at times, however overall they were nice
> children.

Crow: Make up your mind!

Joel: Now dear!  You put down that severed head right now and do your algebra!

Tom: But mommy!  Can't I dismember just one more?  Pretty please?

Joel: Oh, okay...but only for one more hour.

> Then wincing at the memory of loosing her beautiful son
> Torack. He had been so dear to her, but he was a mistake,

Joel: She had thought for ten years that she had had a
daughter.

Crow: You want to talk about mistakes?  Well, this whole
fic is a mistake!

Tom: Aren't you being a little too harsh?

Crow: You haven't read it all the way...

> Eriond now took the place of Torack and filled her heart
> with joy again, but still Torack would never die in her
> mind, his memory still lives.

Joel: [Eriond] But Mom!!

Crow: [Universe] Shut up!  You're not my real boy!

>  All of a sudden UL appeared before Universe.

Tom:  What does UL mean, anyway?

Crow: Underwriters' Laboratories?

Joel: Ursula Londquist?

Crow:  Who?

Joel:  Girl I knew in high school.

Crow:  Joel, get help.

> Seeing her husband, she materialized into a more
> acceptable form.

Tom: She materialized as Kathy Ireland?

Crow:  [UL] "Whoa!  That's pretty damn acceptable!"

> Sensing dread in her husband she spoke.  " Husband what
> troubles you?" UL Looked at his hands and then began to
> weep. Tears flowed freely falling into his hands and down
> into space.  This was not good, the last time she saw her
> husband this distressed was when the division had
> occurred.

Tom:  He really hated fractions.

> UL quickly summoned a chair for the two to sit in, then
> taking her hand he looked into her eternal white eyes and
> said,

Crow: "Martin is on, honey.  Cry later."

Tom: Why summon only one chair for the two of them?

Joel: You'd think the personification of the universe could
afford some decent furnishings.

>
>  " It is time."

Tom: "Five minutes to Wapner!"

Crow: "Time for some serious luuuuvvvv..."

Tom: You know, I've always wondered how deities and spirits
actually, you know.  Get it...nevermind.

Joel: Good.  You haven't drifted to the other way.  The
difficult way. The ridiculed way.  The Hentai way.  The
curds and whey...

> Chpt1. The Past
>
>  Sun dawned over the Tokyo as the citizens began their
> daily chores. Most everything looks normal but in the
> ward of Nermia nothing is normal. There was a sudden
> shout followed by a young man flying upwards into the
> sky.

Tom: Nothing is normal.  Including verb tenses.

Crow: Nermia?  Will we see Ukkyo and Nadoka, too?

Joel: Up in the sky!  It's a man!  It's a young man!  It's...

Tom: Ataru Moroboshi!

> It is a pigtailed youth wearing a red tunic and black
> pants, beneath him is a steaming girl with short hair-
> cut. Their names were John and Akane.
 

Crow: JOHN!?!??

Tom: MARSHA!!!!!

Joel: It was a low budget fic.  They couldn't afford Ranma.

Crow: Ranma was holding out for a percentage of the gross.

Tom: No wonder Akane is steaming.

Joel: If she's steaming, does that mean she could change
Ranma...er...John back?

Crow: Beh...there shouldn't be a John in this fic.  This
fic should be in the John.

>
>  Running along side his fiancée John was speeding towards
> the bus before it left.

Tom: He was pulled over and ticketed.

> It was too bad that he and Akane had to go to college.
> Reflecting about his past few years since he arrived
> here, and the non-stop flow of fiancees he has had he
> didn't understand how he could have survived.
>
>
> But he did. It wasn't until three years ago, when he had
> just turned 19, when he put his foot down on the fiancee
> business.

Joel: "Ran-chan! Get your foot off my neck!"

> Telling Shampoo that he couldn't marry her and then
> defeating Cologne for the decision was a hard thing to
> do.
>

Crow: He was then married to Cologne.

Joel: The refs had been going to give the decision to her
before he "talked" to them.

Tom: But luckily, Mousse was there, and Shampoo fell for
him completely unrealistically.

> However the old ghoul was kinder about it than he
> thought, instead of being angry with him, she just said
> that he was now part of the tribe regardless of blood or
> marriage, as her heir

Joel: [Shampoo]  "Shampoo clean your heir, Ranma!"

> he was considered to he of a high rank.

Tom: Wow!  It's rare you find plot conveniences that
quickly!

Joel: That's so nice of Cologne...almost makes you want to
cry.

Crow:  This fic makes me want to cry.

Tom: You know, why didn't Ran...er...John do this in the
first place?

Joel: Because Takahashi has some sense.

> The days following that was such a good time for him, the
> old ghoul and Happosai took him on a training trip for
> six months training in a sub-dimension

Joel: Sub-dimension?  I went there last week!  I had turkey
on wheat!

> where time passed quickly, while the outside world passed
> at the rate of a year per two weeks in the sub-
> dimension.

Tom: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Crow: Uhm...Tom?  It wasn't _that_ funny.  I'd give it ten
"ha"s. No more.

Joel: I thought his name was "John," not "Goku."

Tom: Dragonball is Maison Ikkoku compared to this.

> When he had finally left the sub-dimension Cologne and
> Happosai had told him that it was time for them to pass
> on.

Crow: Finally!  Something good out of this fic!

Tom: Happosai as Gandalf?  Not!

Crow: "I am now to be known as the Grey Pervert."

> In doing this they had taught
> him all they knew and more, he was now the pinnacle of
> martial arts. They also told him that he was really the
> great-great grandson of the two of them.

All: WHAT!!??!?!?!!?

Joel: My loins will never stir again.

Crow: McPlots.  The official sponsor of 1997-98 Sailor
Moon/WWF crossovers.

> Saying good-bye the two of the most powerful martial
> artists passed away.

Tom: And there was much rejoicing.

Joel: [passes around the champagne]  Happy is dead!
Cologne is dead! Hip hip hooray!

Crow: Then they went to hell where they burned for all
eternity.

> When he returned he dealt with Ukyo and Kodachi. Ukyo was
> not at all happy with the decision he had made, but had
> found Ryouga to be a companion. However the two were
> alone for both their families had died a long time past.

Crow:  So they remained alone and unloved.

Tom: "Ran-chan, I'm not at all happy!  But Ryouga's a
companion!"

> Nevertheless, they were happy.

Tom: Ukyou and Ryouga?  Together?  You don't say!  I would
have never imagined!

Crow: Uhm...Joel?  What are you doing?

Joel: *taps his heels three times*  There's no place like
home, There's no place like home...

Tom: Sorry.  You have to suffer with us.

Joel: ACK!  *starts digging out his heart with a spoon*

> Kodachi was another case, while he was gone, the her
> father passed away due to a assassination.

Joel: Who would have assasinated principal Kuno?

Crow: Dole Pineapple Co.

> He was killed so that a distant relative could inherit
> the Kuno fortune.  Kuno fought back against the law for a
> month with Nabiki.

Crow:  The Law of Plot Convenience.

> Eventually they won and the two became close. Of course
> they became engaged, leaving Kodachi with no one.

Tom: Of course.

> When John came back he saw Kodachi and felt and
> overwhelming pity for her, she was sitting in her garden
> trying to make a poison to kill herself.

Tom: And he helped her.

Crow: "C'mon Kodachi!  You can do it!"

Joel: "No, Kodachi!  In your mouth!"

> Wrestling the poison away from her, he managed to get her
> to come live with him.

Tom:  Inviting her to John and Akane's place for dinner'll
keep her alive.  Inducing vomiting, you know.

Joel:  So will this fic, though.

Tom:  Ranmos:  The Fic of Fate.

Crow:  You mean "Johnmos."

> Finally there was Akane, the one fiancee he truly
> loved, after a month of planning, he proposed to her and
> agreed that they would marry.
>

Joel:  Of course, Kodachi always made trouble, asking what
John had done with Ranma.  But they fed her Akane's cooking
and it shut her right up.

> Shampoo eventually rejected Mouse for the last time so he
> left and married a girl named Conditioner. Kasumi also
> married, to Dr. Tofu.

Tom:  My.  What surprises.  They certainly shocked me.  I
never expected them.  And that name.  How original.  Yes,
this is certainly a fine fanfic.

Crow:  It certainly is.  Very fine.  Yes.

> In the midst of everyone getting married, John and Akane
> planned their wedding after Nabiki's wedding. What they
> did not know was Nodoka's planning behind them.
 
Crow:  [Nodoka]  "Ranma's rear end is so manly!"

Joel:  Thank God!  For a moment I was afraid there was a
standard matchup that this author wasn't going to do!

Tom:  *sniffle*  I always cry at cliche weddings.

> John's mother Nodoka then did two things that changed
> John's life forever and made it what it was today. After
> John got married to Akane, Nodoka gave John the magical
> water that split him in two, a Jane and a John. Jane was
> John's female half, but now his sister.

Crow:  "Jane!  Stop this crazy fic!!!"

Joel:  See Jane run.  See Jane fight.  See Jane star in
crappy fic.

Tom:  Nodoka just wanted to see how manly her daughter
would have been.

> However, as great as that was, the second swift action
> stunned everyone except Nodoka and Gemna. The two Saotome
> heads adopted Ukyo, Kodachi, and Shampoo.
 
Crow:  And started an adolescent prostitution ring.

Tom: [Genma]  Served the little whores right.

Joel:  You know, that would be a pretty good fic.

Crow:  Yeah, not like this one.

> And so it came to pass that Nodoka used some of her
> family funds (which was a hell of a lot, think in the
> billions)

Tom:  [Carl Sagan]  Billions and billions.

> and bought some of the surrounding land and houses around
> the Tendo Dojo. Then she built the dream house that she
> always wanted.

Crow:  With Bill Gates as her concubine.

> At last John had a real family, four sisters, all of whom
> he loved very dearly, a wife, two sister-in-laws, two
> brother-in-laws, a real father (Gemna really cleaned up
> his act with the presence of four daughters), a father-
> in-law, and a real mother.
 

Joel:  And a partridge in a pear tree.

Tom:  This is like WAFF without any of the interesting
parts.

Crow:  It's like WAFF without the WAFF.

> Life was great, just when he thought it couldn't get any
> better,

Tom:  He WOKE UP!

Crow:  And a bus ran them all over and they died.

Joel:  Then Dr. Tofu fell down an open sewer.  And so it
went.

Tom:  Oh my!

> John was borne a son by Akane just a year after their
> marriage. Ukyo finally married Ryouga, as they too had a
> son. John and the rest of them went off to college, and
> were planning to transfer to a college in America later.

Joel:  And all live in the same dorm room.

Crow:  Just when you thought the fic couldn't get any
stupider...

> Nodoka and Gemna also had another pair of children
> (twins!), named Keichii and Kimiko. Life was great, even
> though John still got into arguments with Akane once in a
> while.

Tom: They argued about John wanting Akane to change her
name to Lolita.

> This is what brings the story up to now.
>
> In another reality
>
>  Things were going smoothly for the Chibas. Darien and
> Serena were married right after she got out of high
> school,

Joel:  She was fifty-seven.

Crow:  And getting laid by football players every night.

> the others all remained
> best friends, however there were no more threats, so no
> need for the secret society. Serena was currently going
> to an American college. Her friends and family all moved
> to America for many different reasons.

Tom:  But mainly for plot convienience.

> Rei for the reason that her grandfather died, and the
> memory of the temple was too great. Makoto so that she
> could learn new techniques of learning, and to leave the
> past of her pregnancy behind. Jake was the product of
> Mamoru and Makoto.

Joel:  Scalar Product?  Cross Product?  Vector Product?

> As it had happened, Mamoru had impregnated her at her
> senior year of high school.

Tom: That pimp.

> Serena had forgiven the two for their tryst and loved
> Jake dearly. Mina came so that she could be with her
> boyfriend Mike. Ami came for the obvious reasons,

Tom:  To be with Mina's boyfriend Mike.

Joel:  But what of Rhonda's love for Edgar?  Tune in tomorrow!

> to learn more. The others came to protect Serena. Alex
> and Michelle came so that they could start their lives
> over again. They both lost the bond that held them
> together, and so they broke up. The move to America gave
> them a new chance with becoming friends, and meeting new
> loves. Elaine

Tom:  Cool, a Seinfeld crossover.

> came with them for there was nothing left in Japan for
> her. Overall things were running smoothly.

Crow:  [chanting]  "Yea, though I wander in the valley of
bad fics, I fear no evil, for my lord is with me, your rod
and your staff, they comfort me."
 
> In the last reality
>
>  The king of Riva slept peacefully in a slumber as his
> wife slept next to him.

Tom:  He slept sleeping in his sleepy slumber.

> Peace had been brought to them after Ce'Nedra's third
> child, two years ago. The Murgos and the Malloreans both
> united and finally became one.

Crow:  The Murgolloreans!

> Eriond was quickly becoming an influence to all the
> Angaracks. The other event that happened was the decree.
> All of Garion and Ce'Nedra's children were to become
> immortal.

Joel: I so decree it!  Woe if it is not so!

> Ce'Nedra also became immortal for her tree quickly became
> a tree like  the one in the Vale. Other than that nothing
> much happened.
>
>  Garion
>
> Garion quickly bolted up at the sound of the Prophecy in
> his head again. Alert, he replied,
>
> Yes? Is there something wrong?
>

Tom:  Yes!  We're stuck inside a crappy fanfic!

> No, But I came to tell you something, get a paper and
> pen, or perhaps a scribe.
>

Joel:  Whatever happened to quote marks?

Crow:  Cool Prophecies don't dick around with quote marks.

> Why? No never mind. I'll go right away.
>

Tom: [Garion]  At the sound of the tone, please leave a
prediction.  I'll be sure to return your call as soon as
possible.

> Good your learning. There has been an Event and a new
> change will descend upon the Universe. You will soon have
> visitors, and they will have some special abilities. Be
> prepared. The Universe will over wash herself.

Tom:  Does Universe have a jacuzzi?

Joel:  The universe is starring in a Zest commercial!

> There will be a final battle between Good and Evil, and
> you are directly involved with it.

Tom:  There will be things going on.  There will be people
who will have stuff.

Crow:  And the award for most incoherent dialogue goes
to...!

> Why Me?
>
> And so the Gathering began.
>
> Chpt2.  The Gathering
>
>  John sat in class staring at the clock on the wall
> wishing that the time would pass quicker.

Tom:  Considering the rest of his life passed in four
paragraphs....

> He had already been in this math class for the past hour,
> and was drifting off. A nudge from the right and left
> made him think twice, as Ukyou and Jane both poked him in
> the ribs. Today was a special day for John, his son was
> going to turn one. They were planning to go to a temple
> to give him some blessings,

Crow:  [John]  Yeah, I'll give him some "blessings."

> then John decided that he would give his son the a
> medallion he had received from Cologne.

Joel:  Cologne had gotten this medallion from a Disco
King...

> Thinking back to the time she had given it to him, he
> could never believe that was the same Cologne he knew
> when she was trying to get him married to Shampoo.

Tom:  Yeah!  I have a hard time believing that one too!

> She was his grandmother, it was so amazing, after all
> this time too. He wept when she left with his
> grandfather, two of the most important people left and
> laid a huge responsibility on his shoulders, to be the
> heir to their school.
 
Joel:  That was why the principal had been assasinated, so
that he could not interfere with their plans.

Crow:  Riiiight...

Joel:  You know.  By cutting off their heir.

Tom & Crow:  Groan...

> But thinking back to his son, he was glad that his son
> was getting this pendant, for it was a legacy of their
> heritage. Looking back to the clock on the wall, he saw
> that there were still five minutes until the end of
> class. Holding his breath he closed his eyes and
> pretended to make time go faster. That was until he felt
> a hit across his head.

Joel:  A number one solid gold record!

> Opening his eyes he saw a figure he thought he would
> never see again, Happosai.
 
Tom:  And, he was then summarily blinded.

Crow:  Those panties hurt.

>  " Grandfather! What are you doing here? " John
> exclaimed. Happosai just hit him over the head again as
> he opened his hand and revealed some sort of jewel the
> bluest jewel he had ever seen.

Tom: How many jewels has Ranma seen, anyway?

Joel: I don't know.  But I bet John has seen plenty.

> Looking to his grandfather with questions, Happosai
> simply began to explain as if he knew what he was
> thinking.
>

Crow:  Does Happi ever think anything but "I'm horny?"

>  " John, this is the Orb of Kami.

Joel:  I'm calling Senator McCarthy!

Tom:  It's blue, not Red.

> It holds power beyond your wildest imagination. You will
> need this in your upcoming battle." With a grief filled
> face he said to him " I'm sorry john, your life will be
> thrown into battle again. It is necessary, the deciding
> fate of the universe will be determined by your outcome.
> Should you loose the Universe will be thrown into
> darkness and evil will reign over the good.

Tom:  And what if I should tight?

> This is all I can say, I have prepared you as well as I
> could, but I say this as a warning, be prepared."
 
Crow:  [Happosai]  Things will happen.  Certain things, of
a particular nature.

Joel:  Happy's trying to turn John into a boy scout.

> And with that he handed the Orb to John, and disappeared.
> At that moment the teacher dismissed the class.
>
>  Walking back with the his sisters, wife and Ryouga, he
> thought about what he was going to do.

Tom:  Ryouga is John's son?

Joel:  Not his son, his sister!  It says so!

Crow:  Ryouga is his sister?

Joel:  And wife is his other sister.

Tom:  Is that like Prince?

Joel:  That's it!  He's the martial artist FORMERLY KNOWN
AS RANMA!

> But Akane managed to shake him from his reveries.
> Arriving home they began to plan for his son's birthday.
>

Tom:  Yeah, all that saving the universe stuff could wait.

> Another reality
>
>  Serena was shopping with a Rei and Mina for some toys
> for her own son, Andrew. Today was a special day for him,
> for he was turning one. Serena loved her son very dear
> because he looked just like his father,

Crow:  His father was ten pounds with no hair and wore a
diaper.

Joel:  Mamoru had really gone downhill.

> and because he brought her out of her depression. It had
> been years since she had become a Senshi, and she hoped
> that it would remain that way, for while being a Senshi
> was great, the dangers that came with it was too great.
> Of course she knew that she was going to be Neo-Queen
> Serenity, and eventually she would have to change again.

Tom:  But for now, she was just gonna wear the same old
stinky clothes.

> Nevertheless it was nice to have a break from all that
> excitement.
>
>  She had changed so much in the past few years, she had
> grown taller, more well developed, more mature, and
> neater. Darien was so supportive of her during her
> metamorphosis, and had helped her through it. She loved
> him so much that even death did not stand in their way of
> love.

Joel:  Necrophilia!?  Ugh!

> However, as well as life was now, she felt something was
> wrong and coming to greet them.
 
Tom:   Hey, Wrong!  Nice to meet you.

Crow: [Wrong]  I'm Wrong.  My brother and I invented the
first airplane crash.

> Later on in the night
>
>  John lead his family to the ancient shrine where the
> Saotomes and Tendos had buried their dead. There, John
> walked to the center of the circular shaped graveyard. In
> the center was a fountain and an altar, then placing his
> son, Shinma on the altar,

Tom:  HUMAN SACRIFICE TIME!

Crow:  Where's Miyu when you need her?

> and placed the pendant around his son.
 
Joel:  Welcome to randomly connected phrase theater!

>  " Before my ancestors I have come to present my son
> Shinma, a Saotome, and worthy to wear the pendant, which
> was given to me by my esteemed great-great grandmother,
> Cologne."
>

Crow: Hmm, so that's what that funny smell is.

>  Then he picked up his son and place him in the water,
> letting the water protect his son for as long as he may
> live. The Saotomes were all borne from water, and had
> always had water protect them.

Tom:  "WATER!  Why does it ALWAYS have to be water!?"

Joel:  Nerima John and the Water of Doom.

> This spring was the water that protected them, it was a
> family treasure to them, for it was blessed by Kami
> himself.
 
Crow:  "Oh, sir.  You fall into spring of drowned Kami-
sama.  Very tragic story!

Tom:  "It move heaven and earth!"
 

>  All of a sudden, a wind chilled all around them, as a
> black mist surrounded them, and a evil laughter followed.
> John quickly pulled Shinma out of the water, as the rest
> of the clan formed a circle around the fountain, all
> ready for anything. John gave Shinma to Akane and told
> her to take care of him while he went to check things
> out. Without argument, Akane took her child and held him
> closely to her bosom.

Crow:  "Sweet," thought the child.

> John walked out to the front of the fountain and hurled a
> challenge into the air.
>
>  " Who are you, and why do you plague us at this sacred
> moment? Speak or else I'm gonna hafta force you to
> leave."

Joel: I'm saying 'hafta' so you'll know it's really Ranma!

> Evil chuckling continued as they were suddenly surrounded
> by dozens of monsters of some kind.

Tom: It might have been nice of us to give you some
descriptions of them, but use your imagination!

> The voice in the air then replied.
>
>  " Aaah, you are the one, a little scrawny if I must say
> so myself. But nevertheless, my master requires that thou
> all are dead,

Tom: Y'all hear that?  "Thou all?"

Joel: It's Kuno's cousin from Alabama!

Tom: You know your samurai is a redneck when...

> so Morlocks attack!" With that the Black mist formed a
> black dragon warrior of some kind.

Joel:  This fic has a degree in vague!  "Johnma was
somewhere one day when certain things happened to him, and
they had some consequences which he took actions to
influence.  The end."

> The fight was on.
 
Crow:  Let's get ready to RUMBLE!

> Serena was happy that all her friends had decided to join
> them , and they were all going back to Tokyo for the
> weekend.

Tom:  Whoa, did we change scenes all of a sudden!

> This would be a  great vacation for all of them, and a
> chance for her to see her parents and brother again.
> Looking out the window, she suddenly felt an unbearable
> pain in her stomach, as she doubled over in pain. Darien
> and the others were by her side immediately.

Crow:  Making sure she didn't puke on their shoes.

Joel:  She had just read this fic, you understand.

>
> "What's wrong? " Darien asked worriedly. Serena just said
> through her clenched teeth one phrase.
>
> "It is time."
 
Tom:  The contractions are two minutes apart!

> Belgarion was having a hard time with his own country,
> when out of nowhere thousands of creatures appeared. He
> was just thankful that Aunt Pol,

Joel: Pol Pot?

> his grandfather, Beldin, the twins (Beltira and Belkira),
> Durnick, all the kings and emperors of the land and sea
> were here. The prophecy had told him to gather everyone,
> for it was of the utmost importance. Of course Zakath and
> Urgit as well as the rest of the kings did not come
> unprepared. When there was the prophecy involved, there
> was always trouble, so the final number of troops added
> up was probably close to a full fledged army. The army
> was now fighting against the creatures. As all of them
> were busy planning to fight themselves.

Tom:  That way they're guaranteed to win!

> Grandfather and Aunt Pol were discussing alternatives to
> fighting,

Crow:  Thumbwrestling!

> as Beldin soared through the sky gathering all the birds
> he could, for some of the creatures were flying. Things
> did not look good at all. That was when the blue white
> beam of light crashed down

Tom:  The FAA was alerted.

> into the enemy side of the battle.
>
> John and the others were defeating these morlocks easily,
> but there seemed to bee too many of them.

Joel:  The morlocks, the merrier!

> Everyone seemed to be fine except for Ryouga who was in
> pain over a broken arm dealt by the dragon warrior. John
> looked around and finally decided he had enough, to pull
> out the big guns.
>
> " Hi Ryu Shoten Ha!!!!!"

Crow:  Hi, Ryu!  Nice to see you again!

> the Dragon cyclone rose and threw all the morlocks aside,
> leaving those in the circle unharmed. However, as he
> turned around he saw Akane in the hands of the dragon
> warrior, her body limp, and Shinma just below her body.
> He snapped.
 
Tom:  My back!  My BACK!

Crow:  A can of superglue was opened to repair the snapped
Johnma.

Joel:  Johnma fall in spring of drowned SNAPPING turtle!

> "Let go of her!!!!!!" John shouted as he ran a the Dragon
> warior, who stood and smiled arrogantly. Then he tossed
> Akane aside, and kicked Shinma away.

Tom:  He's...He's long enough...He's good!  Three points!

> What the dragon warrior did not notice was the fiery blue
> aura surrounding John as he ran. When he turned to face
> John, he came face to face with an angry John who
> launched chi attacks at him, relentlessly.
>
> " Kame hame Haaaaa!"
> " Hi Ryu Shoten Haaaa Revised: Dragon claws!"
> " Moku Takabisha!"
 
Tom:  Rama Lama Dingdong!

Joel:  Eep opp ork ah ah!

Crow: Another revised chi attack.  Amazing.  I am truly
enthralled by the originality of this work.

> The chi attacks tore him to shreds as a column of blue
> and white engulfed them all.
>
> Serena and the others looked out the window, just in time
> to see a blue-white flame engulf their portion of the
> plane, only absorbing them.
 
Joel:  Blue White Flames:  The quicker picker upper.

> Chpt3. The Battle
>
>  John and the others landed in the midst of a battle
> between thousands of creatures, things did not look good
> at all.

Crow:  Did this fic ever look good?

> Lying on the ground, John felt a new surge of energy, a
> source which he could not identify, but he was glad it
> was there. Standing up he situated the situation,

Tom:  How many situations could a situator situate if a
situator could situate situations?

> they were horribly outnumbered, and the creatures were
> advancing fast. There were some other people amongst them
> on the ground, each wearing very short skirts, and sailor
> suits.

Crow:  Hmm.  I wonder how Tuxedo Mask looks in a skirt?

>  Then he turned his attention back to the situation, and
> thought of what to do.  Only a few minutes till the
> creatures were upon them. Ryouga was up, and so were the
> rest of them.
>
> Five minutes till confrontation
>
>  John silently nodded towards the ten girls and the guy,
> acknowledging them, but still thinking. The others had
> already gotten into their stances ready for anything. The
> children were herded around the middle, as the adults
> prepared for war.
 
Tom:  And for situating!

> Four minutes
>
>  John then remembered his orb, then reached into his
> pocket drawing it forth. It glowed bright blue in
> anticipation for excitement. Blue flames engulfed him as
> he felt the flames dance around his body exploring his
> mind, his body, and his chi.

Crow:  Then he said "Cut that out!  I'm married!"

> Then the orb began to expand as he felt differently about
> his body.
>

Joel:  [John]  "Darn it! I knew I should have been born a
woman!"

Tom:  [John]  "Hey!  Jane!  YOU get this thing!

> Three minutes
>
>  Serena watched as the man wearing the red tunic pulled
> out a blue jewel, which engulfed him in fire. Could it be
> that he was a person from the Old Millenium?
 

Crow: As opposed to the "Wrinkled Millenium" and the
"Yellow Millenium."

Tom: They just don't make millenia like they used to.

> Taking out her own crystal, she saw it glow brightly as
> it too englufed her. A scepter came into her hand as she
> felt herself transform into Serenity, not the Princess,
> the Queen. Growing in height, and clothes, when she was
> done, she looked around and saw that her friends had
> transformed as well, each anticipating the battle. The
> man was still in blue flames.
>
> Two minutes
>

Joel:  Two minute warning!

>  Garion saw the beam and then sensed vast amounts of
> sorcery occuring. So vast that all the talented ones in
> the room collapsed

Joel: Leaving the writer of this fic standing.

Tom: He has the talent to write truly terrible fics,
though.

Crow: I wonder if that's a gift?

Joel: It's a curse.  He fell into the Spring of Drowned
terrible fic author.

Tom:  "Is tragedy that no one ever destroy spring."

> due to the roar in their ears. Whatever, whoever arrived
> out there was extremely powerful. He could almost see the
> ones without the talent wincing in the roar.
>
> One minute
>
>  John felt energized,

Crow:  He kept going, and going, and going...

Joel:  The Energizer Usagi would make more sense.

> he felt alive, he knew about his power. The orb explained
> everything, and he was ready to fight.

Tom: The orb does all the thinking.  Johnma's just there
because he's got muscles.

>
> Contact
 
Crow:  with this fic is hazardous to your health.

>  The first wave of creatures flew back with the combined
> attacks of the Senshis. The ones who got close enough
> were thrown back in pieces as Ryouga, Saotomes, and
> Tendos all ripped the creatures appart.

Joel: News flash!  Baby Shinma kicks monster ass!  Parents
don't care!

> Wave after wave, they came, but John and Serenity did not
> do anything, instead they were transforming.

Tom:  We can't do anything now!  Our soap's on!

>
>  Garion and the others all went out into the battle field
> and watched the people who were decimating the creatures
> by the hundreds. The collective army on his side were
> cheering as the creatures were being destroyed. However
> the joy did not last, a huge bat-like creature loomed
> above

Joel: It's Batman!

Crow: "Get the Bat-Anti-Martial-Artist-Device, Robin!"

Tom: They didn't use the name Batman.  He's probably called
"Fred."

Crow: Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, FREDMAN!

> and then opened its wings releasing thousands more
> creatures, then it flew away. Garion decided that he had
> sat this battle out long enough. Landing on the ground he
> detransformed. His Aunt Pol was already casting winds
> spells

Tom: She must be eating beans.

> trying to drive the creatures back. Grandfather was
> throwing fireballs at the creature. Beldin and the twins
> were doing their best at throwing bolts of lightning at
> the creatures. Durnick was shaking the earth with his
> hammer, and causing cracks in the ground. Garion then
> drew his sword, and shouted,
>
>"Charge!!!!"

Joel:  I prefer cash.

> The huge Sword of Riva burst into flames and into the
> song of victory.

Crow:  "The hiiiillls are alive...with the sound of
victory."

> At that moment the two coccooned people dispelled a huge
> amount of force, knocking everyone onto the ground.
> Rising from the ground was a man all dressed in a strange
> form of armor, holding a staff, wearing a crown, and
> glowing with power. The woman was a beuatiful blonde
> haired woman, all dressed in white, she wore a tiara, had
> wings on her back and radiated with kindness.
 
Joel:  Get me a lead apron!

Tom:  She's gonna start killing people with kindness pretty
soon.

>  The pair then joined their hands and chanted.

Tom:  [Singing]  Some in-chant-ing evening...

> Garion could feel the power from the pair, it awed him,
> they were radiating more power than the gods themselves.
> The creatures were now up and rushing towards the pair.
> At tha last moment, before the first demon touched the
> pair they shouted in one voice.
 
Crow:  [John & Usagi]  Get us the hell OUT of this story!

>  " Five Elemental Dragons Come Forth!" their palms
> outstretched dragons shot from them. One from the air,
> one rose from the ground, one came from the sea, one from
> the fires of the city, and one from the thunder.

Tom:  So the fifth element is sound?

Crow:  I know!  He watched Captain Planet!  Earth, wind,
fire, water, and heart!

> The five dragons were bigger than the dragon that Garion
> had killed before. In fact they were taller and  larger.
 
Joel:  Yep!  That's what "bigger" means, all right!

>  The five dragons then commenced the death and
> destruction of the creatures. Flames shot from their
> snouts. Controling the very elements in their palms they
> anihilated the creatures, drowning them, blasting them,
> frying them, crushing them, and ripping them apart. When
> the demons were all gone, the dragons returned to their
> place, and the pair who summoned them landed on the
> ground and walked towards them. Once in front of them,
> they both collapsed and reveted to a different form, both
> strangely dressed, but still they seemed to looked like
> humans.
>
> Chpt4. Introductions
>
>  Akane was sitting in some womens room,

Tom:  Akane, get out of the bathroom and help in the fight!

> where most of the women, who fell out of the sky with her
> were. There was much tension between them, and neither of
> them knew whether or not they were friends or enemies.
> The one with the aqua colored hair seemed to be the
> calmest of the others and was talking with Kasumi.
> Strange people, falling out of the sky, these things were
> just too strange.

Joel:  But were they strange?  And did they happen to be
strange?

Crow:  How odd.

Tom:  Dr. Strangelove!

Crow:  "Sailor senshi vill be chossen vor their sexual
prowess."

> It just wasn't happening,

Joel:  It wasn't happening?!  You mean the narrator's been
lying to us?

Crow:  I think the job description would be more accurate
as "spewer."

> things were going so great, John had finally married her,
> she gained a woman

Tom:  She must be really round to gain a whole woman.

> that felt like a daughter to, she gained more sisters,
> brother, and friends. It just wasn't fair, why did this
> have to had happened to them? Once again they were thrown
> into another adventure. Why couldn't the fates just leave
> them alone? Looking across from her, she decided that it
> was time to make introductions. Standing up, she went
> over to the long haired woman wearing a red fuku. With a
> bow she introduced herself,
 
Crow:  My name is...[Sound of bow and arrow striking
someone]  Aaaaaah!

>  " Hello, I'm Akane, do you want to be friends?" With an
> upraised eyebrow, the woman stood to her full height and
> measured Akane up. The tension built up in the room
> considerably, both groups were looking at the pair in the
> center of the room, viewing what was going to happen
> next. The woman then seemed to stare into the depths of
> Akane's mind, probing, poking, testing, until, Akane had
> enough, and blocked her off with a sudden slam of the
> mental barrier.

Joel: [Akane]  Hey!  I'm not that kind of girl!  I don't
probe on the first date!

Crow:  [Rei]  Friends?  But I wanted to be so much more!

> The other woman looked shocked, but then cooly
> outstreached her hand and replied,
>
>  " My name is Rei, Spiritual leader of the Senshi,
> pleased to meet you."
>
>  Belgarion was not having a good day. First he had
> trouble with his people of inviting Angaracks to the
> Rivan Hall.

Tom:  Damn his people!  Always inviting Angaraks over!

Crow:  And they don't wipe their feet!

Joel:  Rivan Hall, game show host Monty's smarter brother.

> Then with th fact that each king brought armies, it had
> taken his flaming sword to bring everyone to peace. Then
> there was the attack on the Citadel with those horrible
> monsters. The arrival of the two powerful sorcerers was
> not a big help. However one thing was certain, whatever
> was to happen must be immense, for the power that these
> two people generated alone could overwhelm all the gods
> combined, including UL. The rest of their groups had also
> displayed much power as well.
>
> What was most unconcerting

Tom:  Is that when people sing a concert backwards?

> was the way that these people threw their power around.
> The woman with the short blue-black hair, had created a
> hammer in glowing blue flames, and pounded another man in
> their group into the ground.

Crow:  John ran around trying to swat the blue flames out
of his hair.

>  The most incredulous thing was that the man survived,
> and acted as if nothing happened. The group of women, who
> each wore much to little, also each carried an inane
> source of power

Joel:  They had the ability to summon clowns and make
terribly bad fics.

> that Belgarion could only compare to his Aunt Pol. One of
> the short ones carried a power and sense not unkin to his
> grandmother, Poledra. Overall, the group who arrived was
> absolutely overwhelming to him.
>
> Suddenly he heard some stirring by the beds. Rushing
> over, Belgarion saw that it was the man, groggily he
> forced himself up to a sitting position, and then to a
> standing position. After a few minutes of the clearing of
> his mind, the man saw Belgarion standing there with his
> grandfather and Beldin. Staring at them, he walked over
> to them without a sound on the floor, and with such
> grace. Coming face to face with them, he spoke,
>

Crow:  "YOU MUST END THIS FIC!"

> " You all must be part of the great event that's supposed
> to happen." After a few minutes of silence, Belgarath was
> the first to speak.
>
> " Event? I assume that you are talking about the event,
> which the Prophecy set for us." The man looked at his
> grandfather and then was about to say something, but was
> interrupted by a gentle voice from the other side of the
> room.

Tom:  The voice said, "CAN'T YOU BE SPECIFIC ABOUT
ANYTHING?!?"

> " Excuse me, gentlemen, I believe that we must regroup
> somewhere before we start revealing ourselves."

Crow:  Woohoo!  Serenity's gonna strip!

Tom:  Yeah!  Take it off, baby!

> It was the blonde hair woman still wearing an absolutely
> white gown and tiara, however without the wings. The rest
> of the men agreed, as Belgarion sent a guard to the
> womens room and the weapons room to get all the Kings,
> queens,

Joel:  Jacks, tens...

> emperors, sorcerors, sorceresses, warriors from both here
> and wherever these people came from.
 
Tom:  This fic is repulsive, yet strangely engrossing...

Crow:  Not unlike getting a lifetime free ticket to a
Russian whorehouse.

> Chpt5. The Mission
>
>  Sitting in the Hall of the Rivan king was the Group from
> Nermia, the Senshi, Belgarath, Poledra, Polgara, Durnick,
> Beldin, the Twins, Belgarion, John, Serena, Ce'Nedra,
> Silk, Velvet, the kings and Queens of the western
> kingdoms and the Angaracks. All were waiting for an
> explaination from john and Serena, who had both change
> back into their strange suits.

Joel: Strange SUITS?  No wonder they've got Kings and
Queens!

Tom: Johnma's going to explain as soon as he's done
situating.

> Holding his staff, John looked every inch a god, as did
> Serena with her angelic face, and scepter. Without a
> word, the two motioned Belgarion to come to them as they
> told Belgarion to draw his sword and hold it out to the
> middle of them. Garion did it immediately, as the two
> both touched the sword. The sword burst into flames, and
> engulfed Garion.

Crow: [Garion]  Put it out!  Put it out!  AAAAH!

Tom: He's dead meat!  Garion is CARRION!!

> In the flames, Garion felt a change over him. When the
> fire died down, he was wearing a similar outfit as the
> man John. Understanding what was about to happen, Garion
> allowed the two of them to touch their staff and scepter
> to the sword. As the three most powerful objects in the
> universe came together, UL and Mother Universe appeared.
> The Holy couple looked kindly upon them and smiled.
>
> Author's notes
>
>     that's all I got done so far cause I'm still working
> on a second part to Ranma's Destiny: Dragon, or as some
> people call it Ranma: Destiny Dragon. If anyone has any
> C&C, please e-mail me, and I'll try to write some more.
 
Joel:  WRITE MORE??  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> -Belphera
 

* * *

[Joel and the bots are on the satellite deck.]

Joel: You guys finish the assignment?

Servo: Affirmative, Skipper!

Crow: Yep-ers!

Joel: Let's explain to the viewers at home what we're
doing. You see, today's story showed us how much easier and
quicker it is to come up with a WAFF continuation and a
crossover when you don't bother worrying about pesky little
details and specifics like who did what when. We thought it
would be a neat idea to try this for other fanfiction
genres. What did you come up with, Crow?

Tom:  Wait a minute, Joel.

Joel:  What is it, Tom?

Tom:  Why are we talking in script all of a sudden?

Joel:  Uh, Cambot's sequencer must be on the blink again.

Tom:  Sure, Joel.  We know it's really because the stupid
authors were too lazy to coordinate their efforts.

Crow:  ANYWAY, I've written a darkfic.

Joel: Wanna read some of it for us?

Crow: 'Kay. A-HEM! A Darkfic, by Crow T. Robot. All rights
reserved, not to be duplicated without the expressed
written consent of...

Joel: Um, skip a bit there, would ya?

Crow: Oh yeah. A-HEM! One day, Ranma and Akane got married.
Ukyo didn't like the idea. She grew completely insane and
bitter. She invited Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, and Kodachi over
to her restaurant, where she served a special rat poison
oknomiyaki.

Joel: Is that it?

Crow: No, there's more.

Joel: Okay, keep going.

Crow: They died. The end. Copyright Crow T. Robot, all
rights reserved, not to be...

Joel (interrupting): Good job there, buddy. Tom, what have
you got?

Servo: Glad you asked, Joel-san. I've written an exciting
tale in the "New character" genre. The Adventures of
Taneuma Servo-san!

Crow: I might've known you'd do a self-insertion.

Servo: It is not! Just a coincidence. One day, the mighty
Taneuma Servo showed up at the Tendo Dojo. He was forced to
beat up all of the regulars due to some misunderstanding.
It was soon cleared up, and he went on to seduce Nabiki.

Joel: Thanks, Tom.

Crow: Hey, Servo. Could you get me a printout of that
story?

Servo: Sure!

Crow: Good! I need something to wipe the load pan bay with.

Servo (angry): Are you making fun of the great Taneuma
Servo?!

Crow: The great Taneuma Servo can bite me!

Joel: Settle down, you knuckle-knobs. Well, sirs, what do
you...

Servo: Hey Joel, aren't you forgetting someone?

Joel: Huh?

Crow: Yours, Joel! Is this it? [Picks up a pile of papers
in front of Joel]

Joel: (A little embarrassed.) Um, it's nothing, really.
Just a little lemon I played around with. Not worth
mentioning, really.

Crow: Joel! There's *all kinds* of specific detail in this!
Pages and pages worth!

Servo: Let me see! (reads) Wow, Joel! I really like the
descriptions of Shampoo and Kodachi!

Joel: Guys....

Crow: Yeah! And I never knew you could do THAT with
Jusenkyo water!

Joel: Look, guys. When you've been trapped up in space for
as long as I have, you...

Crow: Yeah?

Servo: You what? WHAT?!

Joel: Never mind. When you're older, you'll understand.
What do you think, sirs?

[Cut to Deep Thirteen]

Forrester: Very nice, Joelmeister. Push the button, Frank.

Frank: Personally, I like original flavor comedy. [starts
to read from a piece of paper, in a jovial tone] Akane
cooked some food and offered it to Ranma. He insulted her
and decided to go eat at the Nekohanten instead. So Akane
pulled out her mallet and knocked him on the head!  Then...

[Forrester pulls out a mallet and baps Frank on the head;
Frank falls unconscious]

Forrester: Frank no baka. Until next time, Joel-senkyo....
 

"This is all I can say, I have prepared you as well as I
could, but I say this as a warning, be prepared."
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